paramore

"WELL MAYBE I KNOW, SOMEWHERE, DEEP IN MY SOUL, THAT LOVE NEVER LASTS"

slowly

This morning, over the telephone line, I answered the phone and got connected to a person who walked me home for almost a year. It never stops feeling odd when somebody has grown really close to you, and the next morning you wake up and you don't even recognize them anymore.

The thing about modern-day heartbreak is that very few really can afford to stop over it and really feel its intensity .  Mostly, people find it a waste of time that they should even be wallowing over what sounds so childish as a broken-heart ....and so people move on from point "caring a lot" to point "indifference" real quick

I have been told that we can measure the immensity of love by the amount of time it took to get over it. I cannot say this is generally true. I have seen the worse heartbreaks happening at a later part of life , and the people who dealt with it had to get over it, or at least get by while living with the hurt.  And how about the young loves we took forever to stop wallowing about ? was it really the worse? or were we just too young to really know better ?

I have this uncanny nature of always wanting to stay away from trends, and I like romanticizing my hurts, without dragging anyone into my drama , by the way. If I don't sit with my hurt and go through it over and over again until I am done with all my questions, both the answered and unanswered, I will never fully get over it. And yes, I believe in fully getting over it :)

I am not really a fan of manipulating my circumstances, so I am putting all of these things in His hands. I will, on one hand , take my time.

In the middle

There is this pop song going around for months now that wouldn't leave my memory bank.  I've been humming it for some time, and here, I'm dedicating a blog entry about it now.  That song is "The Middle" by the Prince of electro-pop Zed (that's a made-up title from me, thank me later Zed.)

So what's in the middle? haha

I'm so bored  that I have decided to dissect a song. For all I know, people behind this song were all just thinking "hey let's make a song with a beat like this, go pitch in the most catchy words you have" , and they succeeded, as here I am, catching it all. :(

Very, very relevant to the way that people love nowadays. There is always this talk about finding the "middle" ground. Like there is an illusory straight line between two people where all points of differences will be settled, and being in a "draw" means winning in the relationship department.

The song itself does not even expound how you meet someone in the middle although the lady singer was screaming about it, and the drums and cymbals banging in the background just makes you feel like you should be angry too because the singer's boyfriend just won't meet her in the effin' middle!!!!

Referencing from so many experiences, not just romantic ones , I think there is not clear-cut standard of how two people in a relationship are supposed to find a middle ground.

Some people who lives in a world with access to better vocabularies would use "compromise" when they meant finding a middle ground. I remember how fancy that word used to sound when I first heard it. It sounded so promising haha. Like hey, you're having a hard time understanding each other? COMPROMISE.

Taking it from a much older song. , "Just once", some of our best efforts won't always be enough. There is such a thing us unequal distribution of advantages . Two people can always try to compromise, but just like a heartbreak is never even, one person would have to do more compromising than the other.  :( But of course we will keep trying.

I'm not very good in giving relationship advices, but don't stop trying to find the middle, and remember to give someone enough time when they're having a hard time getting there. Encourage them and appreciate how much they are trying.

I've got so much to learn from this department. Whatever point I am missing, I pray to stumble upon it sooner than later.

meantime, I'll keep humming this song in my recluse. bye.

Starting Over

I like beginnings.
But what I love more than anything else
is beginning AGAIN
it's when you begin with your scabs fully healed
or maybe not yet fully healed
but you stop talking about the unhealed scabs
and you just put yourself out there
again
silently knowing
that the next bruise will be from a different fall
and that maybe next time, there will be lesser cuts
because you know the drill
you learned how it is to balance
and that on your next biggest crash
you will get back up smiling
because you've been there before
and you know you will get through it
and this time you will fight to win whatever
and you pray
oh you pray
every time you get back up
that you remain softer every time

Oh I love beginning again

When You Love Someone

 Aiming to be the one who stays, in a world making so many ballads for people who leave :)


This is a diary entry I wrote down few months before I parted ways with my first love.
I had to put this down to remind myself that I was brave enough to have loved and lost.

I learned the heartbreaking way, that when you love someone, you have to take them as temporary gifts. Something that God gives you to help nourish. He wants you to take that gift, in a gentle way, not own it, but to just help Him see to it that the gift is taken care of and loved, so it grows into something beautiful.

When the time comes He decides to take it way, you have to wholeheartedly kiss it goodbye and be sure, so sure, that it will be polished even more into something beautiful, by someone else's hands.

In some very rare occasions, God may choose your hands as the ultimate keeper of the gift. Until then, take care of everything He gives You.



joj

the La,la,la's of a Broken Heart

When you love someone, you look past all the wrongs and magnify the good.

This is why I was surprised with the sudden pain I've been feeling recently. I realized a lot of things in the last nine months that proved me wrong in so many ways about that relationship. It was too late to be angry and it will be such a waste of all the love I struggled to build for myself. I decided, to still see him the way I remember. Sometimes, pain makes a person fabricate the memories to justify the hatred. I won't fall into that.