Starting Over

I like beginnings.
But what I love more than anything else
is beginning AGAIN
it's when you begin with your scabs fully healed
or maybe not yet fully healed
but you stop talking about the unhealed scabs
and you just put yourself out there
again
silently knowing
that the next bruise will be from a different fall
and that maybe next time, there will be lesser cuts
because you know the drill
you learned how it is to balance
and that on your next biggest crash
you will get back up smiling
because you've been there before
and you know you will get through it
and this time you will fight to win whatever
and you pray
oh you pray
every time you get back up
that you remain softer every time

Oh I love beginning again

Day 1 : Inner Demons pt.1

Lately, my words do not sound like mine. I used to be comforted by my own words. When things get sour, I'll write things down and I'll figure out what's wrong. But lately, when I have not been feeling like my authentic self, I also do not feel comforted by my own words. I know I'm writing these things down but it takes a while for me to put them together.

I have to admit, It's heartbreaking when you realize you're struggling at something when it used to be as easy as breathing.

Homecomings

You know what's cute about homecomings? Everything.

Everytime I come home, I feel like everything is getting smaller. Like here was this pond that used to be my ocean. Here was this Acacia tree that used to be so hauntingly huge, and now it's an old bald gentleman of a tree, shedding dead leaves and making the whole central Rotonda look like a good Indie Movie venue with golden brown leaves all over.

...and here I am. Who would have thought I'd come home and see that old rotonda with a smile that knows more than what I once claimed as a teenager. The head-carvings of that 1914 tower would laugh at my realizations. "So, what happened to setting the world on fire?" , one of them would ask, with an impending series of roast questions.

I would answer them " but I'm not done yet."

That's the cute truth about homecomings. You get older each time. You always take home with you all those wise thoughts that the years helped you make sense of, and you walk with your head a little higher every time.



Joj